So, SO MUCH has happened, as is often the case when you leave a blog for over a year. I had an exhibition, a mixed manic state (not as fun as it sounds), a relationship and now am in the post-relationship "everything hurts" stage.
They say you should never try to modify a diet, or start a new fitness plan or weight loss regime from a place of turmoil. However, when all you have control over is yourself, your body...it becomes a way of reasserting control, of gaining perspective.
Anyway, all that means is that I am finally going to be honest about the fact that I am trying to lose weight.
I have lost pounds here and there throughout the years but, especially while in this latest relationship, I have gained a few too. Fact is I haven't really put myself on any kind of weight loss plan in over ten years. I've always been overweight; I always thought I would be. But now, free of anyone else's food influence, I can eat how I want again. I can ride all I want, dance all I want. And due to spending so much time with someone who loved me and wanted Me, not an impossibly perfected version of me, a switch flipped and now I can see that I am already beautiful, so this is not coming from a negative place. I think in the past I was always afraid to try to lose weight because I knew I would still hate some part of myself for ever being ugly. Now that I know that I have never been ugly, I can try.
Human psychology is crazy, right?
So here I am, at the beginning. About a hundred pounds. About a hundred miles. About a year and a half to go.
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